


the fear has gripped me (but here i go)

by americandy



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 02:26:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americandy/pseuds/americandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>thommy inspired by breezeblocks by alt-j</p>
            </blockquote>





	the fear has gripped me (but here i go)

muscle to muscle and toe to toe  
the fear has gripped me but here i go  
my heart sinks as i jump up  
your hand grips hand as my eyes shut

—-

jimmy doesn’t know how to be around thomas. when he says that, he means he doesn’t know how to be — to exist and function regularly. in the past he made a terrible choice, caring about appearances more than anything else. 

now thomas treads lightly around him, like jimmy might just tear him into pieces. like that’s what jimmy’s rejection must have felt like. it makes jimmy so sad, so, so, sad, that thomas isn’t as brilliant and bright around him as he used to be. he supposes he doesn’t deserve the brilliance.

jimmy doesn’t know how to proceed — thomas makes his heart feel full, like singing and poetry, and his skin turns pink when he thinks of how he’d react if thomas kissed him now. it’s a desire that sits between skin and sinew and muscle and bone, in every fiber of his being. thomas’s fire for him used to burn so fiercely… until his reaction acted as a sudden downpour, snuffing out any lick of flame.

though sometimes jimmy thinks he hasn’t completely ruined everything. sometimes he catches thomas looking at him. it’s a different kind of look, sadder now, but a look nonetheless. maybe if thomas knew he could have what he wanted, the gray that has settled in his features would fade away.

time doesn’t help in any way other than making jimmy completely certain that he needs to tell thomas or show him or do something or anything at all to express what he knows to be true.

he could love thomas. his heartbeat betrays how badly thomas affects him on the day he’s chosen to expose his soul. waiting until nighttime seems like a good idea. thomas is a creature of the night and always the last one to bed. except for tonight. tonight he will have company.


End file.
